Hopelessness is soul crushing. I knew life was going to get very difficult after I lost access to pain management in March of 2018. I just didn’t have a clue as to how difficult living would get. Background info is at the end of this post. I reached the end of myself beginning in September 2018. This was the lowest point in my almost 20 year journey. All hope was gone. The decision to continue living was a breath by breath decision for the next three months. I was terrified that I would never feel hope again. Jennifer started to fear calling home after work because she was afraid I…

I had a discussion with a family member recently that exposed an ability that I thought I had lost. They reminded me of a discussion where I had said something I had no memory of saying. I actually had no memory of the conversation at all. This person is, by far, the most detailed individual I know. If they said I said it, I likely said it.   This disturbed me greatly. I was unable to recall any part of that conversation. How is it possible that I had a conversation that I had no memory of, a serious conversation with an important person. I needed to work this out. For two days I concentrated,…